The Olliveen Post

enters shyly.... hiiii... its me...

YES i know, no blog entry since NOVEMBER???? ollie what are you doing??? its true, i've been really slacking on this page, partially because i was working on that blog refresh (that i finished in february... hahahaha...) and was just waiting, but also just because a lot of my life has been very work-focused lately and i don't really want to talk about work on my site very much. BUT i'm here and determined to make a considerable effort again (maybe... no promises actually)

i have been chipping away slowly at my "Get In The Loop" new years resolution by listening to some new albums!! i admit i haven't been making a lot of progress but here's what i've listened to so far:

1. fancy that by pinkpanthress: to be honest, i enjoyed some of the songs a lot but the majority of this album is just not for me :(
2. future nostalgia by dua lipa: i heard someone call this album a magnum opus before and i gotta say i agree, i totally loved this one!! there are a lot of songs on this that i've definitely heard before but didn't realize that i had, so it was cool drawing that connection and getting to understand it a little more
3. megan & megan: act ii by megan thee stallion: i LOVED this one!! prior to this quest i hadn't really listened that closely to these lyrics but they are really good and clever and megan thee stallion is a NERD!! total surprise new favorite
4. kid krow by conan gray: i feel bad saying this but i think it was a little mid. i'm sorry
5. the art of loving by olivia dean: another new favorite. shouldn't be a surprise, it made song of the week

those are all the ones i can rememeber right now, i might have forgotten some but i will keep this list going, i am holding myself to that

changing the subject, lately i've been getting into the habit of thinking of my work life as a sitcom and categorizing all of my coworkers into sitcom plot-types. like, i had a day at work where it was just me and 2 others on the schedule and we did busywork and goofed around and i realized that we are totally B-plot characters in a spinoff episode rn. and then the next day those 2 were not on the schedule and all of the A-plot co-workers came back and we got back to business and shenanigans as usual. i think i am one of those A/B characters that is kind of relevant to the A-plot but not in a serious way and can definitely be disposable with the B characters for serious moments. i also have one co-worker who i realized is definitely a B character but wants to be an A character so bad. i don't think this is the most normal or healthy way to view my life but now that i've noticed it i can't stop

happy post-halloween everybody. i hope your spooky day was spooky as fuck and you partied hard/were so cozy at home/ate a shit ton of candy/did whatever an ideal halloween looks like to you

this year i was girl shaggy from scooby doo 2: monsters unleashed. i was pleasantly surprised by how many people actually recognized the costume!

reference picture. anyway i am realizing that i might be in my party girl era, or at least as close to party girl as i get. actually i think i just have trouble saying no to people and i have terrible fomo so i say yes to every single social gathering i am asked to attend. anyway i was invited to 2 whole halloween parties, plus my roommates were throwing their own party, and somehow i managed to attend all 3 in one night. lowkey running around town like crazy, but it was actually really fun!! i got to see all of my friends from several friend groups since none of these parties really overlapped people so i was just running into everybody i've ever met that night. i got home at like 2am and my roommates were still partying lmao. i am still hungover but its ok i need to take advantage of my youthful energy while i still have it

leading up to halloween i also threw a fun halloween jack o lantern party for my roommates earlier in the week which was really nice, i've only lived in my new house with them for about 4 months but already its been so much better. i made chocolate cake with ghost frosting and homemade apple cider from scratch (not pictured). making homemade apple cider is really easy and i totally recommend it, literally just chop up apples and some oranges with some cinnamon and leave them unattended in a pot for 3 hours. so yummy, this is the recipe i used if anyone wants to make some. below are photos of my jack o lantern, i was trying to make the pumpkin guy from over the garden wall :p

yay halloween! i'm so tired i need to sleep this off for 1000 years.

hi. as you may observe, i have not made a new entry in my diary since june! this is because even though i am a guy on the internet and i put a lot of things on the internet, i am actually a really private person and i have discovered that i don't enjoy making diary entries about my life unless i have something i really want to talk about.

anyway boop! the musical, the broadway musical about betty boop, is about how black and white jazz age cartoon character betty boop becomes unsatisfied with her life and takes a magic machine to real life new york city, 2025, where she meets the most autistic teenage girl in new york and said teenage girl's babysitter?/man of questionable relation to her family who is also a jazz musician and he and betty fall in love and also betty plays a significant role in the 2025 nyc mayoral election. i watched a bootleg and i give it a solid 3/5 because the premise is stupid and the show fully knows that it's stupid and really tries to play into it but that doesn't always stop it from being stupid. jasmine amy rogers who plays betty is a superstar and i like the song "she knocks me out".

that's all, i just wanted u to know

GUESS WHO GOT TICKETS TO THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED UPCOMING PRODUCTION OF STARKID'S THE GUY WHO DIDN'T LIKE MUSICALS REPRISED!! i'm literally soooo excited y'all, i saw the original back in 2018 and this show is sooooo special to me and i am unbelievably excited!! i am getting on an airplane to LA first thing saturday july 26th and getting on another plane home on sunday july 27th but it is so worth it. i'm gonna load up on kandi and dress in cosplay and bring my original 2018 program for them to sign because i don't fucking play when it comes to the guy who didn't like musicals. if anyone who reads this is also going, pls reach out and we can be obsessive fans together!!

i've been doing a lot better lately and this is just the icing on the cake! :D i am finally MOVING!! my current roommates are awful and uncooperative slobs who racked up the electricity bill last winter to $600 a month and then lied to me about their space heater usage when i asked them to stop, and the plumbing doesn't work and i'm almost FREE!! 5 more days and i am OUTTA THERE to my new place which is more expensive but utilities are included at a flat rate and i like the roommates and it's NICE and the toilet WORKS! and work has been going a lot better because i am not sick anymore and i am not beefing with my coworker anymore and i got an equity stage management contract for a new play workshop!! everything is coming up ollie! thank god

hello everybody i would like to make a formal apology for acting in a concerning manner without warning and then pretending like nothing happened i promise i am ok. regarding my last diary entry, i am back to 100% health and the antihistamines and all of their adverse effects have completely worn off so i am fine, i am normal and back to going about my life and i am eating three meals a day and everything.

the truth of the matter is that i have lowkey been going through it and have been really feeling a lack of support from the irl people in my life, and i am also extremely bad at communicating my emotional needs because vulnerability is #scary. this has kind of manifested as me going about my life presenting as completely normal and cheerful interspersed with moments of erratic behavior and just saying crazy shit. i don't know how to express myself in a vulnerable way so i just say things without thinking that don't make any sense and then try to course correct so people don't worry which never works. but i promise that i am ok and i just want to put that out there since i know my last 2 diary entries have been a little bit gibberish. i am working through things privately in a healthy manner so i am going to be alright.

aanyway, in recent life updates, i got hired for this really really cool short-term gig as assistant production manager for the theater where i work! i am a little nervous, i went through my onboarding on wednesday and it's looking like i am going to have a LOT more responsibility than i initially thought, which is a little intimidating! my job is basically going to be like basic assistant tasks like errands, providing snacks to the creative team of this play, being the notetaker for meetings, etc, but they told me that i am expected to also serve as a kind of catch-all problem solver, that my job is to hang out and "catch the other shoe when it drops", which is very intimidating since that's not really something you can prepare for. but i think i can do it! also i haven't really been thinking too hard about my future career prospects because i live in the moment and the future is scary, but i think that maybe production management is something i'd be interested in long-term and this is a great first step to building connections there! so, wish me luck!!

also my spotify wrapped is gonna be fucked this year. everybody go watch julie and the phantoms

can i be so fucking candid with y'all last week was dire. i had to go to the emergency room because i exploded in hives and we still don't know why, and then spent a solid 6 days in a row drugged out of my mind on benadryl. i tried to hang out with friends last weekend and felt like i was going out of my mind because i was so paranoid that EVERYONE i talked to thought i was on drugs (because i was on drugs). i felt like i couldn't form coherent conversation, like everything i said was a non sequitur. i am too embarrassed to ask my friends if they could tell that i was on drugs because that would be admitting that i was on drugs. also i learned that antihistamines give me depression which is great to know. also they totally destroyed my appetite, i have been off the drugs for three days and still haven't felt the sensation known as hunger since last tuesday. last friday i went a full 24 hours without eating anything but 3 mini waffles, and then i only ate something because i was concerned, not because i was hungry. i don't even know why i waited 24 hours before becoming concerned, i wanted to see how long i could last and also i was not thinking rationally because i was on drugs. but i am better now i promise!!! i am reminding myself that self expression is good for me and i should tell people stuff so here you go, strangers on the internet, so much tmi about my week of out of character severe depression before returning to almost normal even though i'm still only eating two meals a day because i've lowkey forgotten what normal eating habits are supposed to look like and also i'm not hungry so i forget. whoops. at least i'm lucid now!!

relapsed and am rewatching heartstopper again (this makes 4 times in 3 months!!). i also started a rewatch of h2o just add water and is it too early to say that i wanna be lewis for halloween

loooool i forgot about this page. heyyyy yall

rapid fire life update: i finished my big girl job working on that fancy play with famous people and it was really fun. i am one degree of separation from anna kendrick AND aubrey plaza now and probably some other famous people too but i think those ones are the funniest. i've watched the netflix tv show julie and the phantoms 6 times in the past 2 weeks. i'm currently visiting my parents? i dont know what else

wait fuuuuck have you guys watched the new netflix show the residence yet because i just watched it twice and it was good cordelia cupp i love you. please watch it. also can you tell that when i like things i watch them over and over again until i have to force myself to stop.

i actually think a lot about what past middle school me would think of me if i could meet them now. below is a list of the top 5 things i think they would find the most shocking about me:

1. lesbian
2. can actually draw
3. drinks alcohol
4. wears crop tops
5. likes one direction

anyway, tomorrow is my first day at my new big girl job working on a fancy play with famous people. i'm officially 2 degrees of separation from jk rowling isn't that fucked or what.

i've come to the realization that i am ready to be in a relationship but unfortunately i am too much of a coward to make it happen.

[redactecd because i regret putting my business out on the internet like that]

fuck my stupid baka life. why is this so hard.

hey hotties its me, ollie olliveen. i've been hanging out, visited home for the holidays, went skiing, pet my cat, had a crisis of self, the usual. unfortunately last week i finally decided to get around to watching the show heartstopper and i'm really pissed off because it actually is as good as people say. i might have binged the entire thing and then immediately gone back and started it over again. we all know i have a track record for getting obsessed with something and watching it over and over again until i need to physically force myself to stop (r.e back to the future). today at work i bonded with my supervisor who ALSO has watched heartstopper way too many times in a row though so i'm really normal actually. i am feeling very fortunate that i live nowhere near new york city because seeing kit connor play one of my favorite fictional characters of all time live would actually ruin my life i think. you know the instant that romeo & juliet slime tutorial is available for trade in may my life is going to be over. pray for me

well well well, look who decided to write in their diary for the first time in ~2 months

i've honestly just been livin my life tbh. i've been making an effort to live super presently and its been kind of nice to not share a lot online. i've also been on that grindset, working like 6 days a week for the past 3-4ish weeks, which honestly hasn't been to bad since i love my job and my coworkers and also since i do a lot of manual labor i've been getting kinda buff :p

some things from recently: i've been dancing in public. i participated in a scavenger hunt and buried a letter in a ziplock bag in the woods. i'm sad that since graduation my community have gotten smaller but i'm trying to find new places that make life feel magical. i am trying to inject whimsy into life every day because what's the point of being an adult if i don't. i have watched a bootleg of the recent revival of the who's tommy 4 times in the past week.

also its freaking christmastime and i forgot. i watched hot frosty yesterday and i thought it was very silly, would recommend

hii besties it's HALLOWEEK BABEY!!!! sure, maybe thursday is an annoying day for halloween to land on but consider this: 2 WEEKENDS OF HALLOWEEN!!!

behold my costumes

oop bedroom reveal

day 1: SATURDAY oct 26th i dressed as MISS FRIZZLE!! this dress was the thrift find of the century, i literally found it saturday morning and wore it that night! i went to 2 different parties that night too (a big out of house rager at my old place, then a small fun house party my friend was hosting!) and it was a big hit, i was very happy with how many people immediately recognized who i was supposed to be :D

day 2: sunday oct 27th i was FINN THE HUMAN babyyyy. my friend and i went to a local haunted house and i wore this because its my go-to lazy costume. i thrifted the hat when i was in high school and it's such a good backup costume that i have on standby every year. the haunted house was very sillyy and i got jumpscared but it was fun and i drank a baja blast afterwards.

my job also hosted a pumpkin carving contest which was very fun. this is my beautiful son, i was trying to win in the cutest category but my baby boy was robbed of first prize. still bitter but i love him so its ok

i also carved the pumpkin my roommate bought for decoration because the squirrels kept eating it so it was covered in holes anyway lol

and on halloween proper i passed out candy to trick or treaters!!! it was my first time, my hometown neighborhood didn't get any trick or treaters so i was very excited. my house is not on a very populated street so i didn't get a ton of kids, but i passed out all of my candy and got to chat with some pretty cool and funny teens when the night was winding down so i had a very good time!!!

this is the outfit i wore for trick or treat, i was going for a dead girl/witchy kind of look (i also did my makeup to give myself very dark shadows under my eyes) but it was very low effort because i got sick :( i have a new job stage managing a high school theater class/show and those kids give u germs :/ i could not be bothered to go all out for halloween but honestly i was super content to just have a chill night passing out candy then watching a halloween movie in bed. it was nice

finally, to conclude the halloween festivities, i went to another party yesterday at my old house because those sillies literally never stop partying. i was still sick so i did not give a single fuck about my outfit, and i definitely shouldn't have gone because being up late and also the fact that i biked home, realized i forgot something important at the party, and had to bike back at 1am in the cold did not do my illness any favors. that outfit will be featured in a future fashion page update because it was not good enough to have a place of honor here.

and thus concludes my halloween. bummer about getting sick, this also happened last year so i think i'm cursed or something, but i still love this holiday and had a vibey time :p rip my pumpkin son you will be missed.

omg hiiiii!!! long time so diary sorry y'all. its a whole new season and i've been NEGLECTING

i've been busy busy busy doing that theater electrician gig i mentioned in my last summer entry. dude i am so sore who needs a gym when you can lift lighting fixtures into the sky all day.

i've been spending my free time really getting into making kandi lately!! i grew up with a weird relationship with the internet and somehow early tumblr missed me entirely, and it makes me super wistful since i know all that early 2010s emo community would have totally been where i belonged as a teen, so i am making up for lost time. here is a photo of my current creations, i will do a more significant showcase later i think.

guys i'm also drowning in site projects right now. i have so many fun ideas that i am fighting for my life to actually execute because i have a complex about needing everything to be visually creative and interesting at a detriment to actually getting work done. BUT a sneaky peaky just for you special ollie fans who actually read my diary, here is what is in the works:

• new music page (i've planned the whole layout and just started coding it)
• special halloween page (currently working on assets, have execution all planned out)
• movie room for youtube videos i like (i wanna get this out before halloween but gonna be honest idk how i'm even gonna do it)
• and keeper of the lost cities shrine (ALMOST COMPLETE!!)

exiciting things coming to an olliveen.neocities.org near you!

guess who got a physically intensive job as an overhire theater electriciannnnnnn

last night i watched the new descendants movie and literally what was that. did they forget to finish the movie. i am so pissed off right now and bad movies don't normally piss me off, they had a really good premise set up for the first 2/3rds of the movie and they fumbled it so hard. it feels like the writer of the movie worked really hard to implement themes and foreshadowing, and then perished tragically along with all of their story notes after finishing the scene where they ask Bridget about the cookbook, so some rando had to come in and tack on a conclusion real quick to get the movie out.

if I were writing Descendants 4: The Rise of Red (spoiler warning i guess? you should not care about this movie) i would make it so the time travel elements have a fixed timeline and everything Chloe and Red try to change in the past had already happened in their present, so altering the future is impossible. because of this, chloe and red's meddling actually cause crucial events to come to pass. for example, they set up adult cinderella being a perfect angelic queen, but teen ella is an antiroyal cynic and chloe (her daughter) struggles to understand the personality shift. they also set up that the teen fairy godmother struggles with magic and self esteem. i would have written that chloe, seeing that the ball is approaching and worried about her mom attending and falling in love with her dad (because it's ESTABLISHED that the reason ella is prevented from going to the ball by her stepmother is because chloe broke the vase), gives the fairy godmother the encouragement she needs to help ella attend the ball, therefore having chloe being a contributing factor in ella's change of perspective.

i also would have written that the prank that ruins Bridget's life and turns her into the queen of hearts wasn't even done by ursula 2 or whatever her name was. the present timeline ESTABLISHES that the queen of hearts identifies as a villain and is dissapointed when uma "goes soft". therefore, i don't think narratively that the prank should be done by the villains, but by the heroes, which i think would do much more to invoke her vendetta towards the good guys. idk how they should have done it, but ursula jr should have been a red herring. the climax of the movie should have unfolded at the ball (don't get me STARTED on the stupid book heist scene that ended up being the climax of the movie??? awful) when chloe and red think they've stopped mini ursula but things just don't seem right, then they watch the prank unfold (or maybe even indavertently play a part in it??? idk who i want the prank to be played by that would involve way more intensive rewrites). ella, who made it to the ball, is too caught up in her dance with prince charming to notice or help, essentially abandoning bridget for her prince, ending their friendship and beginning ella's shift in personality. why not let chloe witness her mom do something selfish and question her upbringing even more? adult bridget even SAYS "you didn't care, you were off with your prince" at the beginning of the movie!! it was right there!!! I also would have made bridget the queen of hearts by marriage instead of by birth, so she and ella would have a commonality of being commoners that makes them outcasts. bridget sees ella lifted up while she is left behind and is fueled by her vengeance arc to climb her way to the top.

so, chloe and red fail to prevent the prank so they have no other choice but to return to the present right when the coup happens and try to talk bridget down. there, they both have heart-to-hearts with their respective parents about what they've learned about them from knowing them as teens - red appeals to her mom's former personality with maybe a sad reprise of bridget's cute song, and chloe points out her mom's hypocricy, prompting a real and heartfelt apology from ella and all of the other parents/former classmates present. this, along with a final declaration of acceptance and love from her daughter, causes bridget's heart to thaw. bridget's character arc should have concluded naturally, instead of never having happened at all, it pisses me off so much. i cannot comprehend why the movie was resolved so quickly when so many chekov guns were pointing directly at it. disney hire me

but... i did like the songs actually. also shoutout brandy

job is over and now i'm directionless and unemployed while i wait for my next gig to start. why oh why did i choose the worlds most unstable career path and also live in the country's most expensive region :/

i've been reading a lot lately and i'm hoping to write up some new site pages to document the books i read! lately i've been obsessed with this children's book series called keeper of the lost cities, it is not actually that good but i am addicted to them. i'm currently on book 8, i'm planning on creating a shrine to kind of document my journey with this series and my thoughts about it because i have a LOT of those that i cannot possibly cover here

i also just finished reading the orphan's tales duology by catherynne m valente and HOLY SHIT YALL. i am begging everyone far and wide to please read this series. its SO GOOD!! it's a fantasy series inspired by the tales of 1001 nights. it starts out as an anothology of nesting stories that all end up connecting in the most mindblowing way, i've never read anything like it before. the prose is also gorgeous. i've had a reading log page planned in the back of my mind for months just so i could document my thoughts about this series, maybe i'll actually get around to it now. someone please force me to work on this website i've gotten so lazy ;-;

sometimes i wonder if im faking being a lesbian but then i think about how im only ever interested in watching the womens olympic events and i stop

also i am officially one degree of separation from lin manuel miranda

im gonna be so honest i actually forgot that my diary exists

i got this really rad job as a production assistant at a super high profile theater for their new play workshop and this job actually owns my mortal soul now. i work a split shift so I have like ~2 hours in the morning, then a long ass lunch break (like 5 hours) then i'm back to work dinner for another 4 hours. six days a week. so since i work bizarre hours and its a pain to go home during my break plus we are encouraged to observe the artists during our breaks, i have virtually no free time and i'm at the office for like 11 hours a day. but its ok because i've been having fun, plus its a really cool environment and lowkey a giant step for my career. so we vibin.

also for my job one of my daily tasks is driving the artists between their apartment building and the theater space, which i have been very brave about because i am TERRIFIED of driving. also before 2 weeks ago i had never driven in a city (rural hometown gang). but i am so brave and strong, i've only almost hit pedestrians twice (THATS A JOKE EVERYBODY'S OK AND ALSO THE SECOND TIME IT WASNT MY FAULT). on wednesday night i had to shuttle the artists to a vineyard 6 miles away up this winding road and had to haul our clunky van up a narrow dirt road at a 45 degree angle and ever since then she (the van) and i share a warriors bond so things are going pretty well

now time for me to dissapear again because i have literally no other updates other than working 24/7

hi

hello gay people yesterday i went to a CONCERT!! MEET ME @ THE ALTAR PLAYING and also cavetown and mother mother i guess. i treated myself to tix since i was out of the country the last time mm@ta played in the area and i was very excited

fit check! fun fact i got both the top and skirt for freeeeee. also fun fact the studded hair band is actually just a bracelet i put around my ponytail lol. very cute i love outfit (i need to update my fashion page so bad guys)

concert time! gonna be so real with you guys when i say i went to this primarily to see the openers and the headliners were just an afterthought. MEET ME @ THE ALTAR NUMBER 1 FAN NOW AND 4EVER BABEY. i went down into the pit for them and everything (so brave of me). I HEART LESBIANS I HEART WOMEN

i really wanted a meet me @ the altar tshirt but unfortunately i just did not like either of their shirt designs (i'm sorry mm@ta i love you i promise) so i ended up buying a cavetown shirt instead because i had already waited in line for a half hour and felt social pressure to buy a shirt since i couldn't really view the merch well until i was standing in front of the cashier. i heart making good financial decisions. the shirt i got is cute tho

mm@ta was the opener for mother mother and cavetown, who i used to be very into but don't really listen to anymore, so this was a fun vibey experience for me to chill out, enjoy some old favs and see what they've been up to. i moved up to the nosebleeds for their sets because it was so packed down below and also the sun was baking me alive, so i went up in search of shade. despite the distance it was really nice up there, not as loud and lots of personal space. below are some vids from both sets, please excuse the garbage quality from my attempted zooms

i rarely go to concerts so this was very fun and adventurous for me. i had a very enjoyable time people watching and observing all of the outfits, you could really tell that this was a gay people event. the amount of people wearing variations of the same outfit (knee-length jorts and crop tops) was amazing. you could also clock who was there primarily for mother mother (emo) or cavetown (goblincore). lmao

that's all happy birthday month to all gay people

howdy friends. i've been straight up neglecting my site bc so much is going on!! but i've missed my silly yapping page so here is a very brief update about the goings on of ollie olliveen

1. the 24 hour musical!! i mentioned in the last entry that my club was doing one and that i was gonna audition! well, i did, and i did not get cast, but i DID get chosen as lighting designer!! and it was so much fun, the show actually turned out really amazing and i slayed on the lights ngl (especially since i only had 15 hours to prepare and a 3 1/2 hour cue-to-cue, worlds shortest ever). i feel so lucky to have gotten this last show with my group and i'm gonna miss them so much :')

2. turned in my stupid fucking thesis. i was gonna write a whole blog entry telling yall about my thesis and its topic but i am so sick of that paper that its gonna have to wait until thinking about it no longer makes ne nauseous. but we did it, and it won an award???? $700 for "exceptional creativity" or something. my advisor did not tell me this, i had to find out from the graduation ceremony program. speaking of,

3. graduation! holy shit ollie is no longer a college student!! i am still in disbelief about this.

4. nyc trip! my mama took me to manhattan for my grad gift and we saw 6 broadway shows!! more details to come in a full blog entry bc i have a lot to say, but i am such a nerd and had such a great time. my favorite was the outsiders (hooooly shit, yall. i will explain soon i promise) and suffs was really good too!! it was such a fun opportunity i love theater (could you tell?)

and now i am at my parents house. my mom and i are spending a few days camping in yosemite next week, then i'm heading back home to work for the summer. i have a short 2 week gig as a theater camp assistant teacher, then i'm working as a production assistant for a local theater that is actually really prestigious, so that's exciting!! i applied for a fellowship at this same theater but got rejected literally yesterday :( so idk what i'm doing for work come fall. losing this job was a whole drama bc apparently i got rejected weeks ago and the hiring manager just forgot to press send on the rejection email 🙃, which may have cost me a job at another place i applied since i've been waiting so long to hear from these people. but hopefully everything will work out, i have to trust that it will.

nyc blog coming soon! i love u mwah, stay gold ponyboy

i've been feeling kind of crummy lately but WHO CARES! PUPPETS BE UPON YE

i love being taking theater classes because sometimes you get assigned to make puppets. all the stem motherfuckers wish they were me. miss emo girl is named onyx shadow and the wizard is mopalus and i love them they are my children

sooooooo in other news into the woods ended on sunday and i was in an awful mood. the story is too long and nuanced and a little too personal about other people that i won't explain everything but basically the lead sound was out sick and my co sound assistant ditched me for a hair appointment so i had to do everything alone, and my co came up with a solution for their absence that was extremely unhelpful and i explicitly told them to their face i would rather we didn't do it and they did anyway. i was just feeling very weird tension all weekend with my co that's been stressing me out :/

but now that the show is over and i never have to touch that sound board ever again i'm feeling a little sad :') BUT it might not be my last show!! this semester my club is putting on a 24 hour musical, where (shockingly) we are given 24 hours to fully produce a complete musical. i think i'm gonna audition, i haven't acted in about 6 years but i want to do it once before i graduate, and this is gonna be so fun and unserious. the musical is supposed to be a secret but i know because i guessed correctly and no one bothered to lie to me about it. i have a role i want in mind and i think i'm gonna sing the phineas and ferb theme song for my audition lmao

your favorite theater kid is once again working on a project (it never ends). i am currently working sound for my LAST mainstage show with my theater club before i graduate and i'm a little devastated not gonna lie. i've been a member of this longer than anyone else currently, i'm the last survivor from my freshman year (graduating late gang) and it's hard to think that i'm just going to be gone and never work in my beloved basement again.

i'm getting prematurely emotional typing this even though i have not graduated yet and still have performances lol. i came here to tell you about INTO THE WOODS!!

this weekend was our first weekend of shows and it was a mixed bag for sure!!! friday was opening and also probably the most disastrous show i've ever witnessed. FOUR mics stopped working, including Cinderella's in act 2 which broke so bad we thought we had to spend hundreds of dollars to replace it, but it turned out i hit some stupid secret button on the sound board by accident that's not the mute but turns it off in the mains while keeping signal or something?? yay for that at least, it's working again. also the batteries in Jack's mic have a bad habit of popping out whenever the actor moves too suddenly and unfortunately that boy has the behavioral tendencies of a squirrel, so on friday both jack and cindy were unmic'd during Your Fault (crying emoji). THEN the Baker's batteries fell out (this has never happened before. fate just hated us) and they were completely unmicd for No More. BUT i think i'm in love with this actor bc they realized and belted like i've never heard anyone belt before. sounded louded than they do on the mic. i want to marry them. friday also had the deadest audience i've seen, NO laughs MINIMAL cheering, lame. the vibes were really getting to the actors and there were so many flubs that were pretty comical tbh but i felt bad for them. BAD day all around

BUT saturday. SATURDAY. i have been a part of this club for 5 years. this is the 15th mainstage show i've seen/worked on, and this saturday's performance was the BEST i've ever seen from us. it was electric. only one mic issue (jack's batteries, of course) during a scene of dialogue only so it was easily fixed and unnoticed. FLAWLESS performances, EXCELLENT audience that loved every minute. i think we all knew what rock bottom was and were ready to just go for it, and it really payed off. i don't think i ever felt as good as after redeeming my audio skills with that performance. only downside is that we're never reaching those heights again lmao.

also silly goofy thing that happened on saturday is that our former managing director who was sooo controversial was there??? and she talked to me for the longest time so enthusiastically because she likes me?? she remembered my hometown and told her friend who moved there about me???? odd day for real. actually all of saturday was odd but i fear that that story will make this diary entry waaaay longer than it needs to be (i got to snoop around the house that the school marching band owns??? why do they own a house).

but after this weekend i'm feeling very fortunate and loved and i'm happy. if anybody ever wants to take advice from olliveen.neocities.org i give you this: you should do basement theater. that can mean whatever that is for you, but find a community of low budget basement weirdo nerd artists and make your low budget basememnt weirdo nerd art and prosper.

i've had the very odd realization that in both the thesis i'm writing and in almost every fictional story i've come up with, the themes i obsess over are stuff that, in my every day life, i actually don't really like.

i'm not quite explaining it right and it doesn't sound very earth-shattering but i can't stop thinking about it. like my thesis, for example. i'm writing on found document horror even though i'm a total scaredy cat and am fighting for my life to make it through these movies and stories with my sanity intact. my argument is that horror is pleasurable even though i do not really enjoy it personally. i've also realized that a large part of my paper has become dedicated to arguing that capitalism is ok sometimes??? (like, i'm arguing that it's not really a negative thing to oversaturate the market with found document horror because it serves a pleasurable purpose with fans and is also healthy for imaginative exercise and catharsis? does that make sense??) who am i. why is this happening to me.

and don't even get me started on fiction stuff. i have to read a zombie novel for my sci-fi class. i have a well-documented phobia of zombies. i am not enjoying myself. then mid lecture when we're talking about the allegorical power of the zombie i have the sudden realization that out of the like the oc stories i have, 5 of them have zombies/ a zombie allegory. what is happening in my brain. why didn't i realize this before now.

i am actively writing this during my alloted thesis-working time as an act of procrastination

holy shit the 1 year anni of this diary page came and went happy 1 year of ollie yapping time.

just got home from spring break!! went home to hang out with my parents and kitty cat and dog. it snowed a lot and i got to go skiing which is always so much fun, i grew up in a ski village and since my mom works at the mountain i get to ski for free!! yippee!!

only downside of spring break is that my housemates were supposed to meet me in my hometown to hang out - they were doing a cross-state road trip and were going to pass through on their way to their final desination so they were SUPPOSED to meet me on friday to hang out and get a private tour (i was gonna buy them pizza and everything) BUT those dweebs can't plan ahead for shit and ended up a whole day late. i TOLD them that i was getting on a plane to fly home on saturday at 2:30 so, since they were already late, if they wanted to hang out at all they needed to arrive BEFORE i had to be at the airport and what did those assholes do???? arrive AN HOUR after the plane LANDED. THEY GOT TO MY HOMETOWN AND I WASN'T THERE. WHAT THE HELL GUYS. i still love them and i'm only moderately irritated but like come on.

but i went to see a production of RENT with my friend last night and it was fantastic!! i got to dance to seasons of love at the bus stop while another audience memeber blasted it from their car speakers while driving home. great times i love theater people

i planned a whole diary entry over a week ago (this was supposed to be written tuesday march 5) and i've been nonstop go go go no breaks all work all the time for so many days that i have genuinely not had time and sit to make a new spring page and type this out until now. my housemate told me that i have the most interesting life out of anybody he knows and i promise you it is against my will.

the play i am working on (this time for school credit instead of for free like the one i did last semester) opened tonight, i am so eepy and lowkey just want it to be OVER. the play is called the river bride and its about brazilian folklore where men are secretly dolphins (spoiler sorry). its fun but i wanna have FREE TIME AGAIN

other life updates from the guy with the most interesting life out of anybody my housemate knows: i worked on a student film as gaffer and lighting designer and it was the longest day of my LIFE. 16 hours straight class then film then river bride tech rehearsal then film. but it was worth it because i love being involved with making cool art with my friends and having a silly goofy time. this was also my first time on a film set ever and they just trusted me with all of their lighting equipment without question, very fun for me. a known fact about me is that i love touching lighting fixtures. as a treat you get this photo of me being beamed in the face by an LED lighting panel

i also got to light props on fire for this film project to make them look more medieval and weathered so that was also very fun for me. i should not be trusted around fire probably but i am inventory manager of my theater club so if they're gonna trust me with the closet full of props that can and do make fire sometimes what did they expect really.

i think i am at the point where i'm getting delirious from my exhaustion and it's showing so i should probably stop. i'm fighting for my life so hard right now to not ramble on about how stressed i am about school and job/fellowship apps that are due iminently but i haven't done because i am so busy (AAAAAA) but that can be a private ollie crisis today. bye bye love you mwah

bro i hate myself for wanting to write a thesis. my advisor is driving me crazy with brutal critiques and i'm not even excited about writing it anymore. i just submitted the worst 1st draft ever seen by human eyes and im ashamed that she's gonna be judging the quality of my ideas based on this. TRUST THE PROCESS, OLLIE, TRUST THE PROCESS

life is so hard and i am so stressed but at least i can experience joy from getting to wear my stupidest shirt with lemons and oranges and a bizarre little hat pattern all over it.

happy v-day i love u. if you're reading this ur my valentine ♡♡♡

no other life updates other than i'm in the depths of play rehearsal and i'm sleepy. the play is fun it's about amazon river dolphins and romance and i'm really excited about it. the only thing that would make this valentines better is if i had a girlfriend (crying)

welcome to another installment of "life happens to ollie and then they procrastinate on writing about it in their diary for a literal month". i wish i updated this sooner.

the spring semester has started and i'm assistant stage managing a play, which is really exciting! rehearsals start next monday and i'm really hyped about it, the director is so cool and the play is really good. i'm also supposed to be writing a thesis and i'm at the point where i'm supposed to be actually writing, and i'm just procrastinating the hell out of it. ahhhh responsibility!! i'm so tired.

gonna be so real with y'all life has been a lot lately and my mental health has been... less than ideal. it's my last semester of college and the realization that i have to go out there in the real world and get a job and be successful is actually setting in. remember that grad school app i mentioned in my last entry? well i got an interview a few days after that (wow i really have been putting off this update) and i totally tanked it. like had a panic attack and gave totally garbage answers to their questions. i'm not getting in. and in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal because i knew it was an exclusive program already and it's not the grad school i really had my heart set on anyway, but it's becoming obvious how hard it's really going to be. now i've been applying for things and just getting wracked with anxiety by the concept of rejection, or even worse, being accepted and then having to prove that i can actually be a real adult. i guess i've just been feeling paralyzed lately, you know how it is.

anyway, i swear im gonna put more effort into updating more frequently with more lowkey and non-infodumpy entries. i also wanna start incorporating more photos and other silly tidbits of my day, i want this to be a place where y'all can get to know me casually :) fingers crossed i actually hold myself to this. as a start please enjoy my art from this year's hourly comic day (i gave up on the last page can u tell)

howdee and happy new year

i turned 23 a few days ago which is exciting!! for some reason 23 feels so much older, probably because it's usually the age where people graduate from uni and enter a new life stage. because of my gap year i'm still in school and am now the oldest of all my friends which feels weird.

ngl the past few weeks have been stressful as hell. my dad is going through some health complications, it's not life threatening thank god but it's really putting a cloud over this household rn. mostly ive been stressing and working on my grad school app to a school that's probably not going to let me in anyway (this program accepts like a single digit number of students a year. are you shitting me). still everyone keeps telling me that i wont know unless i try, so i tried, we'll fucking see

hard left turn into hyperfixation spiral time this week i have become obsessed with back the the future the musical. i have a problem. i've been rewatching this bootleg i got on loop and watched every broadway.com vlog & interview under the sun. my friends are concerned for my sanity.

i'm discovering that i have an intense weakness for sci fi musicals (yes groundhog day counts as sci-fi, fight me about it). and don't even get me STARTED on dystopian musicals, i also had a very intense bat out of hell phase don't even kid yourself. i love being a theater kid

i also went into a frenzy this past week polishing up my index, i am very proud of how it turned out!! and as soon as the index was done i immediately started working on a new in-site guestbook too which i am also very happy about!!! i was trying to work on the afforementioned upcoming blog post mentioned in the last diary entry but my brain can only handle working on one page of this site at a time and when the urge drives me to obsessively work on a page, who am i to stop myself? so, blog post incoming soon i prommy. it'll be really fun, i'm super excited about it's subject!!

hiiiiiii

my favorite hobby is forgetting to write in my diary. i dont have much to say that's not going to be in my new BLOG POST :O coming soon to an olliveen.neocities.org/blog near you. semester's over and i'm home for the holidayzz. mostly being lazy, forcing myself to read for school, and procrastinating on grad school apps. my dog injured himself and has been on house arrest for the past few days while it heals (please god help me i'm babysitting a border collie) so that's how life has been going. very riveting stuff

anywayz hope u have a happy holidays :D

im gonna be so fking for real with you i've had the MONTH from HELL but i am HOME from SCHOOL with my KITTY so its all ok again

long story short, i had that below mentioned cold, then i recovered, but my immune system was so taken out by it that i immediately got a sinus infection. its been MISERABLE :(. but luckily for me i am mostly better!!! i was well enough where i was able to attend the musical my friend directed and other friend stage managed (spring awakening!!! i lowkey hate that show but i enjoyed myself regardless, everyone is so talented!!!). i also went to an escape room with my friends monday which was really fun, so finally things are coming up ollie :). its good to be home too, my hometown is pretty rural and not close to where i go to college at all, so its a rare treat. about 7 hours of travel yesterday but it was worth it.

now i just have to catch up on all my work because i am woefully behind due to spending the entire semester either being on that theater kid grind or passing away from illness. wish me luck i have like 5 books to read in the next 2 weeks x_x

HALLOWEEKEND BABEY!!! i got invited to TWO (2!!!!) halloween parties this weekend. literally nothing like a theater kid halloween party it was a good time. my two costumes were freddy fazbear (friday) and gideon nav (saturday). i slayed gideon so hard it was a really good costume but only like 3 people i know have actually read gideon the ninth lol (ONLY COOL PEOPLE GET IT those who dont im sorry for your loss i guess). BUT people kept not being able to recognize me under the gideon face paint tho :( jumpscaring my friends BOO its me. i started keeping a tally of who knew me on sight and who didn't lmao.

tbh the party i went to saturday was an annual club event i've gone to every year since i was a freshman and tbh this year was the lamest i've ever seen it. this year there are a LOT of new members and not as many returning members as usual, and i feel like there's been an unusual divide between the "play" members of the club and the "musical" members because no one fucking knows each other. idk i am a former musical member who converted to play ways this semester so maybe its just the different perspective, but the vibes were weird last night

aaaaanyway I SAW FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS TODAY!! sooooo silly soooo goofy. it was sooooo bad and i had so much fun. i love going to movie theaters the collective audience reactions whenever anything fanservicy happened was electric. the GASP when springtrap walked in was just incredible. ALSO THE PRACTICAL EFFECTS???? OBSESSED. i lowkey wished they had stuck more to the game-accurate lore but tbh who gives a shit it was a good time

also... update on the illness, i'm doing a lot better, not rly sick anymore but the cough is not going away (i am just a smidge chronically ill i think this happens a lot). i have a doctors appointment tomorrow to make sure i don't have pneumonia lol. but i think i dont, i'm mostly 100%! yaaaay

turns out i am exceeding ill, heigh ho for real actually

i've come down with the sickness and by sickness i mean i can't stop coughing and its been 9 days :/ this sucks im miserable. i love this i finally get free time and i immediately become bedridden like a little victorian child. fml

i am exceeding ill, heigh ho

last night was closing night for much ado and i cannot overstate that i have never had a theater experience as profound as this one. sick and twisted to make me go to rehearsals every day and form a bond with this cast and crew only for it to just be... over. my brain is malfunctioning not understanding why i am not at the theater right now lmao. we partied again last night and i was able to mostly hold it together but unfortunatley i did lowkey start sobbing in my english class today while discussing mary wollstonecraft & grief. i swear i have ever felt a post show depression worse than this. i kept a piece of the set that i painted and i got everybody's signatures on the back :') keeping myself going knowing my theater club's halloween party is in 2 weeks and i'll get to see my beloved cast and crew again soon.

where are my theater kids at who gets it.

to change the subject to a less personal sad topic - nerdy prudes must die!!!! i have to say... sorry to all the starkid fans out there who will kill me for this but i kinda didnt love it, at least compared to tgwdlm and black friday. it just wasnt on that level. it was still fun tho and i am a joey richter stan through and through so it was nice to see him in a lead role again!!! maybe i need to rewatch it to fully appreciate it, but i am still biased towards tgwdlm as the best hatchetfield (but that might be because i got to see that one live (subtle brag moment))

hey fellow nbs/lesbians/nonbinary lesbians out there: do you ever become obsessed with a man to like a concerning, could be mistaken for a crush degree, not because you actually like him that way but because you just have the most intense gender envy?

...yeah

i'm acting like a stupid dumbass weirdo every time i see this guy and its so bizarre because i dont like like him, i just want to steal his identity.

also i do not get hungover like my body doesnt do that for whatever reason but i think yesterday was the closest ive ever gotten, i was on the verge of throwing up like all day. i am not a party person i have never been that fucked up before what is happening to me

GRAAAAAH!!!! LAST NIGHT WAS OPENING NIGHT!!!! LOSING MY MIND GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!!! it was just amaaaaazing and i am so over everything about this production that made me so stressed because IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!! this might be the best show i've ever worked on/seen EVER and the fact that its only for 2 weekends is actively making me sob because i could live like this forever

the show went AMAZING EXCEPT for this one part where some FUCKER in the audience's phone alarm went off DURING ACT 4 SCENE 1 DURING CLAUDIO'S LINE "fare thee well most foul most fair, farewell" SHAKESPEARE FANS MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING FANS IF YOU KNOW THEN YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO STRANGLE THAT PERSON AT THAT MOMENT but other than that it was our best performace yet and i am so proudddddd of our cast and crew!! it was just so goooood because you could tell that the majority of the audience didn't have any clue what the plot was and we got to watch them slowly get soooooo invested it was insane. the SCREAMS when benedick and beatrice kissed was LIFE CHANGING.

after the show we had an opening night party too and i think last night was the most drunk i've ever been in my lifeeeeee. i love house parties man i love this cast i love this crew i am going to be a hopeless wreck next weekend when i have to say goodbye :(

it's finally here: the week of my semester where i spend 30 hours of one weekend in a basement. i am so eepy and a little stressed because apparently some of the cast and crew have been having issues with our director and just haven't said anything :/ which makes me feel shitty because if people told me i would try to help, like helping w/ that sort of thing is part of my job ://// i guess if people don't communicate that's on them, but still i want everyone to be having a good time :(

anyway i type this about an hour before a 12-hour cue-to-cue sesh - unpopular theater opinion but i love cue-to-cue - so it'll be fun. but i am so looking forward to my dark day on monday when i can sleep and finally write that essay that's due monday night (oh right i'm a student and i need to not fail my classes teehee)

and that's what you missed on ollie's hectic life of neverending responsibilities

oh my god this past week has been awful for me like daily breakdowns so stressed feeling sick then today i cleaned my water bottle for the first time in a while and instantly was in the best mood ever for the rest of the day. isnt that funny

ALSO SEND HELP I CAN'T STOP SAYING TEEHEE

omg haiiii. long time no write bc i have been crushed under the weight of my responsibilites. remember last entry when i said "in two weeks i will have different problems". well i wasnt wrong!!!!!!! i am working as stage manager for my theater club's call play and even though this is the 3rd time i've stage managed for them this time feels worse. the past 2 times i have done the musical which has a 9 week turnaround, while the play has 5 weeks. honestly everything is happening so fast that i feel like i cant keep up, and with this on top of my schoolwork and WRITING A GOD DAMN THESIS i haven't had any real time off. things that are my responsibility to handle keep cropping up and every time i fall short in completing one it feels like everyone is side-eyeing me and whispering behind my back about how poorly i'm performing. i think i'm being a tad paranoid, but time is just constantly slipping away from me. stage managing is honestly so isolating: having to juggle keeping my friendships with my clubmates while still being their boss sometimes :/

i don't want to be completely negative tho, because despite how it sounds i actually love my job and i'm having a great time working on this show. i am sm-ing shakespeare's much ado about nothing, and it's just so silly and fun and every rehearsal makes me laugh, so it's all kind of worth it in the end :) i'm so excited for this show to be a finished project, i got to see the set designer's sketches today and it's just going to be so cool!!!!!! if you remember my diary entry on may 28th, i was heartbroken over getting assigned to this show instead of the musical, but i'm starting to think that everything happens for a reason. the 5 week turnaround is a blessing as much as it is a curse, since in 3 weeks i will have a lot of free time, and also the musical choice this semester is spring awakening, which don't get me wrong, is a good show, but i think i'd rather work on the romcom than the super heavy show right now (plus, unpopula opinion, but i actually don't like spring awakening that much!!! sorry theater fans out there)

so yeah, it's a mixed bag for me right now, but i think things will look better soon!!! (plus this new diary format into seasons will make me more inclined to actually write since the main reason i never did was because i hated making a new file every month)

first day of classes and its a billion degrees and i'm melting. all we did in my one class i had today was read the syllabus and i almost fell alseep just because the heat was sapping my soul out. i'm exited about the new semester but i'll be moree excited when i am not a puddle on the ground.

i am taking both a costume design class and a lighting design class that i am actually unbelievably hyped for though. first day of those is tomorrow

ok time for ollie's daily soul bearing: i am weirdly nervous to see my friends again. i was in italy all spring and i live in nowhereville usa all summer so i have not seen any of my friends since last december. i'm a naturally anxious person so maybe this was to be expected but i'm kind of afraid of seeing them, and i've lowkey been avoiding situations where there's even a possibility that i will run into them. its not because i dont want to see my friends because i really, really do, but the fact that it will be a big deal kind of paralyzes me. i hate things that are big deals. that's like the singular reason that i havent come out to my parents yet, even though i know that they are supportive and also suspect. its because it's a thing when i would rather just carry on like nothing ever happened. also, i am sick of people asking questions about italy. it's always the same questions and i never have a satisfactory answer. "how was it" it was cool. i saw art. what else do you want me to say?? my mom says to just tell people about what i did but to be honest, if there's one thing i hate more than big deals, it's repeating the same story over, and over, and over.

tldr ollie has dumb problems about dumb social incompetencies. on the bright side, you know what they say: in two weeks i will have different problems

today i moved into my new place for the school year. one 7 hour car ride and eons of unpacking and i am absolutely destroyed. This house is really nice - a lot nicer than the last one i lived at, but my room didn't come with a desk for me, my dresser is broken, and only one outlet works, so that sucks ass. i also got here last (re 7 hour car ride) so i got the shitty bed in the dark stuffy corner with no windows (and no desk or outlets and a broken dresser). wins and losses. i finally got to eat at my favorite restaurant again (OH TOMYUM SOUP I'VE MISSED YOU!!!!) so all in all not a bad day.

shoutout to 2 of my favorite room decorations that i wanted to bring but ultimately decided not to so my roommates wont hate me for being creepy: eleanor the clown and audrey ii. i miss you ladies already.

also a very sad goodbye to my kittycat pepper. she always knows when i'm about to leave and gets so mad at me, it's so sad!!! i miss my baby girl so much already :( adios mi amor

i just started rereading homestuck. i can feel its clutches digging into me like claws. i think i'm about to lose all sanity or clarity of thought for the next few months at least

moving back to school for my senior year (HOLY SHIT????) on friday!! i'm moving into a new housing situation which is kinda scary!!! i'm gonna be in a co-op in a triple room which kind of sucks but also the housing market is in shambles and its a nice triple room so what can you do. i just hope my roommies are good, i've been texting them but you never know.

tldr fingers crossed for my sanity this semester

anyway

i am so burnt out. spent my entire saturday lying in bed playing sims 4 - btw i was really skeptical about horse ranch at first because i am not a horse girl i was actively an anti-horse girl growing up, but i actually really love it and it might be one of my new favorite packs???? i grew up in rural usa so a lot of it is really familiar to what i saw as a kid, like the log cabins and cowboy aesthetics. i've had a really good time remodelling my current sim's house to be the log mansion of my dreams (note to self: i've been wanting to make an article about my sim mebh for a while now. maybe i'll make an article about her insane mansion soon bc it's a build im rly proud of).

artfight is almost over but i'm so behind that i've practically given up. i've been really plagued by frustration and dissapointment with my art lately: it feels like i've really lost my creative spark and i've trashed so many attacks this year because i've just hated how my art looks. i know it's just a rut and part of the artistic growth process but it feels like this rut has lasted years. does anyone know any tips and tricks to pick myself up and start loving my art again?? i would love to hear.

speaking of burnt out, since that seems to be the theme of this entry, i am starting my final week of summer camp on monday. we're ending with a bang with... wait for it... theatre camp. i have a long and sordid history with this specific theatre camp that i am dying to write an article or even maybe make a documentary about, thought i am... waiting for the right time. long story short, the director is a little difficult, and i have 38 kids enrolled. also the play this year is an extremely bootlegged production of oklahoma where jud fry has been removed because he is a bad role model (no i am not kidding). going to be an interesting week for sure

I2I being on the official Barbie playlist is such a win for me tbh

i just got back from a week off of work for vacation at the beach!!! i read 4 books in 5 days (note to self: i still really need to make my reading log page) and my dad taught me how to surf. it was really nice, but my first day back at work and my brain is still on snooze mode, i lowkey flopped today and embarrassed myself in front of my boss right after he complimented me about what a good councelor i am (i'm a summer camp councelor, have i mentioned that??????????)

also i saw Barbie yesterday. i had to go to the next town over 40 minutes away in 100 degree heat because my local theater isn't playing it. curse this podunk fucking nowhere town. but i loved the movie!!!! the artistic design was off the charts, i was obsessed! i love movies that commit to the bit and this one did 100%. no notes.

woagh long time no diary entry i keep forgetting lol

i've been working at a sumemr camp for the past few weeks! this past week was skateboard camp so i've been getting schooled on my shitty skating skills for the past few days. i totally ate shit on thursday and i'm so sore. i wanna be a cool skatr grl so bad but i suck and am also a coward rip me.

i also got bit by a spider yesterday and my leg swelled up and now i'm suffering through a benadryl hangover and my brain feels like it is full of slugs. this has not been my week.

my goal for the summer is to become mediocre at skateboarding instead of god awful at skateboarding. i wanna be cool. wish me luckkkkkk

i keep forgetting to write here lol there have been several times this past month where i've thought to myself "i should make a diary entry" and then i get back to my computer and forget

i just finished my 2 weeks of training for my job and i start for real on monday. i work at a summer camp, yaaaaaaay childcare. in all seriousness tho i like kids and it's not going to be that bad, i'm just tired. I feel like i haven't got time for anything anymore because i'm either working or exhausted from working in the sun all day. still, could be worse, at least my job is fun and i get paid to bike and paddleboard and stuff.

the world's worst artblock is still eating me alive tho. i've been working on a single drawing of coronabeth and ianthe tridentarius for 3 weeks now. i also keep trying to work on the site but get distrated by laying in bed and watching youtube. oops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i am working on a shrine tho >:) so prepare yourself its gonna be cool (but might take a while)

happy birthday gay people

gloomy day.

i got passed up today for the musical i really wanted to stage manage for my theater club this fall. they offered me the play instead, which is still going to be fun and at least i got an offer at all, but i can't help but feel really sad. plus i was banking on this show being on my resume for my grad school application. i'm the senior-most stage manager in the club with the most experience, and i can't help but feel like part of the reason i was passed up was for popularity contest reasons. still, i'm trying to look on the bright side, but i did end up spending the whole day moping in my room and rearraging the posters on my wall.

long time no diary entry. i've been back in the states for about 2 weeks now and i'm relfecting on my time living in italy, and about what my summer will be like home in bumfucknowhere usa. i realize that i pretty much have no friends left in my hometown after high school ended so i basically have no one to hang out with lol. it's a weird and complicated story why. one of my old high school friends reached out which is nice but also i know that the only reason they did is because no one else is home from college yet. still, i like being home with my kitty and my parents, but i'm excited to go back to college where i am cool (FOR MY SENIOR YEAR HOLY FUCK!!!!)

oddly enough i am really jonesing for a camping trip right about now. the road to the national park next to my house is closed but i am itching to go so baaaad. damn you snow.

top 5 things in my airbnb rn:

5. stenciled portraits of the beatles above the bed

4. terribly constructed impromptu loft where the planks aren't nailed down

3. painting of mao zedong that was definitely made by the owner

2. uncovered spiral staircase descending into a scary basement that you almost fall down every time you walk in the front door

and 1. toilet paper is hung on a pencil

thursday the 27th was the last day of my study abroad progrem :') i've been living in italy for 4 months and i can't really believe that it's over and i'm moving back to the usa soon.

my parents arrived and i'm really happy to see them again and spend time with them. we're travelling around and spending about a week with my cousins here in europe which is pretty exciting and fun. not gonna lie tho i am excited to go home and finally see my cat again. i swear i am making a whole shrine dedicated to my cat the instant i get home.

anyway i'm spending family time being normal and not always online for the next week so there won't be any updates for a hot minute. i'll put the new song of the week up but after that enjoy the peace and quiet and i'll work on the site soon < 3

every day i cry because apparently i look heterosexual :(

shit with my roommate is so weird right now. i was telling some friends about why she's mad at me and they pointed out that the root of why she's mad is because of something i said a whole 7 weeks ago that she's just been festering over while i had no idea she was so upset. i feel like she is treating me unfairly because how was i supposed to know she's been holding this grudge if she literally never told me :/ maybe im not the most observant person but it's also unfair to expect me to notice that she's unhappy and getting mad at me when i don't instead of just, you know, telling me. she's been hanging out with our friends without me and bitching about me to them lmao. i feel like this should upset me more than it does but honestly we move back to the states in a week so i am just minding my business and if she wants to ignore me and talk behind my back that's not my problem.

my whole friend group has devolved into bizarre drama this past few weeks honestly. what the fuck is going on.

my roommate is mad at me and i accidentally cried in front of her and now we're not talking so thats how my weekend went.

the good news to counteract that though is that a group chat i am in got revived last night and its been really really nice talking to everyone again. i feel so good i love having friends ♡

sidenote i've recently been reliving my homestuck phase (oh no) but i remembered back when i was in the trenches i discovered this musical production of homestuck written and produced by this group of high school kids that i absolutely loved, and after revisiting it i am happy to report that it still slays actually. there is literally nothing on this planet i love more than kids who make "cringy" art out of geniune love and passion. also the songs are genuinely good, the actor who plays jade wrote them all themself and like holy shit thats nothing to scoff at. i tried looking them up to see if theyre still making music but i think they use a different name now bc i found nothing. if anyone feels like being cringe but free with me here is a link to the whole show and the cast album. maybe when i make a proper blog and not just a diary i will make a whole entry about it. ive been listening to the songs on loop.

happy 413 lol subtly exposing myself right now

finally finished with exam hell week hooray (i say as though finals aren't in 2 weeks and my academic life isn't fucked). i got my grade back for my big exam and got an insanely good score, and my oral presentation today went pretty well so i'm feeling great tbh. someone in my class complimented my speaking skills and said that i have the same cadence as john green so brb about to make a youtube video essay channel (i wont lie i've considered it).

i saw the mario movie 2 days ago and it actually slapped. jack black is such a king and tbh crisp rat didnt do that bad. if you are debating seeing it you should i had so much fun.

happy easter lol

i want to preface this entry by saying that this page is going to be populated by me venting my frustrations. this is pretty much my diary right now. if you're on some random nobody's website reading their diary then you know what to expect. so i might be a little negative and angsty is all. i don't know why i am justifying myself right now. let's proceed.

i know that i am a very envious person. like envy is my cardinal deadly sin. this has always been my problem and i've worked on it, but i still lately have been getting like super nauseatingly envious of other's art skills lately. i've been like severevly burnt out for the past 3 years and drawing has suddenly gotten a lot harder for me when it just wasn't before, leading to my improvement basically grinding to a halt, making me really unhappy with my art, making me not want to draw anymore, etc etc the cycle never ends. whenever i see artsist whose work just blow my tits off (lmao) i feel like my brain is going to crawl out of my eye sockets i get so jealous. i've been grappling with my envy issues since i was 15 but some days are still hard, and today is one of those days i guess. if anyone has advice on how to get out of a 3 year rut i'd love to hear it, i don't know. maybe all this envy is good for me, if i make my blood boil enough maybe i can forcefully instil some motivation.

writing makes me feel better at least :) i have a midterm exam tuesday and an oral presentation thursday so i'm on that uni grind, so site development might slow for a minute. the gallery layout is the bane of my existence right now but i'll figure it out eventually, i really need to learn how to make iframes lol. i have my next song of the week planned and ready to go for tomorrow, so that's exciting! now wish me luck on my midterm because i should really be studying instead of writing this.

ollie's constant need to be a creative genius vs ollie's constant burnout: fight

i decided to take an internship this semester to buff out my resume and stuff but i definitely think i bit off more than i could chew. i am waaaay underqualified for this position idk how i even got here, and its so much more work than i anticipated. i am a very easily overwhelmed person. rip me.

i've been stress eating nutella straight out of the jar

brain hurt. creative juices gone.

i'm trying really hard to come up with creative and pleasing layouts for my subpages but i definitely think i'm being too hard on myself. i need to remind myself that i've only been working on this site for a cumulative week: it's ok to slow down and let things be ugly for a little while.

anyway i have no clue how to style both the song of the week page and my about page. bleeeugh.

i'm definitely overthinking this layout. i'm just struggling to decide what i want, i'm realizing as i code this that i dont exactly have a defined "aesthetic", which was going to be part of the fun in coding since i could make every page different, but actually it means that i dont know where to begin. i'm just struggling to capture my vibe, if you know what i mean

anyway life update, my friends are being shitty and booked the vacation we were supposed to go on together without me, so i guess i'm not going. i would say that i'm upset but i'm kind of not, i kind of saw this coming. i move back to the usa in a month anyway so who even cares, it's not like i'll hang out with these people again after this. still sucks tho

basis for my blog assets are kicked off. idk how much i love what I have yet but it can be a work in progress.

anyway i finished the daisy jones series today. idk how much i like the changes to the ending, especially because they removed the daisy/camila scene which i miss, but i still liked it! i give it a 8/10.

currently listening to phil collins strangers like me from the fucking tarzan soundtrack on a loop because its a certified banger. it's making me feel the secret emotions.

ahahahaha this page is gonna be so sick once i get it to work and make assets and stuff.

anyway, i just got back from my spring break trip around eastern europe. lowkey jealous of my friends who went to spain and my roomie who went to morocco even though i was invited and totally couldve done that instead because i miss the ocean and tropical sounds nice, but my trip was still pretty sick. now time to sleep until the end of eternity.

testing to make sure this works lol