it's finally here: the week of my semester where i spend 30 hours of one weekend in a basement. i am so eepy and a little stressed because apparently some of the cast and crew have been having issues with our director and just haven't said anything :/ which makes me feel shitty because if people told me i would try to help, like helping w/ that sort of thing is part of my job ://// i guess if people don't communicate that's on them, but still i want everyone to be having a good time :(

anyway i type this about an hour before a 12-hour cue-to-cue sesh - unpopular theater opinion but i love cue-to-cue - so it'll be fun. but i am so looking forward to my dark day on monday when i can sleep and finally write that essay that's due monday night (oh right i'm a student and i need to not fail my classes teehee)

and that's what you missed on ollie's hectic life of neverending responsibilities

oh my god this past week has been awful for me like daily breakdowns so stressed feeling sick then today i cleaned my water bottle for the first time in a while and instantly was in the best mood ever for the rest of the day. isnt that funny

ALSO SEND HELP I CAN'T STOP SAYING TEEHEE

omg haiiii. long time no write bc i have been crushed under the weight of my responsibilites. remember last entry when i said "in two weeks i will have different problems". well i wasnt wrong!!!!!!! i am working as stage manager for my theater club's call play and even though this is the 3rd time i've stage managed for them this time feels worse. the past 2 times i have done the musical which has a 9 week turnaround, while the play has 5 weeks. honestly everything is happening so fast that i feel like i cant keep up, and with this on top of my schoolwork and WRITING A GOD DAMN THESIS i haven't had any real time off. things that are my responsibility to handle keep cropping up and every time i fall short in completing one it feels like everyone is side-eyeing me and whispering behind my back about how poorly i'm performing. i think i'm being a tad paranoid, but time is just constantly slipping away from me. stage managing is honestly so isolating: having to juggle keeping my friendships with my clubmates while still being their boss sometimes :/

i don't want to be completely negative tho, because despite how it sounds i actually love my job and i'm having a great time working on this show. i am sm-ing shakespeare's much ado about nothing, and it's just so silly and fun and every rehearsal makes me laugh, so it's all kind of worth it in the end :) i'm so excited for this show to be a finished project, i got to see the set designer's sketches today and it's just going to be so cool!!!!!! if you remember my diary entry on may 28th, i was heartbroken over getting assigned to this show instead of the musical, but i'm starting to think that everything happens for a reason. the 5 week turnaround is a blessing as much as it is a curse, since in 3 weeks i will have a lot of free time, and also the musical choice this semester is spring awakening, which don't get me wrong, is a good show, but i think i'd rather work on the romcom than the super heavy show right now (plus, unpopula opinion, but i actually don't like spring awakening that much!!! sorry theater fans out there)

so yeah, it's a mixed bag for me right now, but i think things will look better soon!!! (plus this new diary format into seasons will make me more inclined to actually write since the main reason i never did was because i hated making a new file every month)